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The dilemma After much heartache, sleepless nights and consideration I told my husband of two years, but partner for 15, that I was unhappy and thought we should separate.

I am 37 and he is He has become a father figure to me.

I feel I live in his house with his things and his rules. My husband is making me feel guilty for wanting to leave and leaving him childless and I do feel guilty, incredibly guilty and sad about that, and it is leading me to question whether I should leave.

He says I am selfish. Which one of you is responsible for leaving your relationship untended for so long? Were any of these doubts on either of your minds then?


Sometimes babies are made to patch up relationships; sometimes weddings. It may be an error in your description of the situation, but your letter suggests that this recent discussion was the first of its kind. There are people who store up complaints and negative experiences, barely emitting a murmur, until one day they blow.

You certainly appear to be one of them.

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But sustainable relationships involve myriad minor re-adjustments on a continuous basis. Could you be guilty of such behaviour?

If so, try to have a full and frank discussion relationshlp you make such a move. After nearly two decades together, for it to be an issue only now seems disingenuous on both your parts.

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My instinct is that you are both relationshi; the wrong relationship, or at the very least in dire straits and in need of urgent positive action.

You need to move on decisively, but do try to carry the wisdom of lessons learned.

Hanging around and storing resentment is a recipe for disaster. Problems in a relationship need to be aired, managed and moved on from, and not trapped in your head building up pressure.

Denied the oxygen of articulation, frustrations become ultimatums and the only outcome is to finally and emphatically explode.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella. Follow her on Twitter mariellaf1.

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